Why real men DO buy women flowers

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http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/10/16/tf.real.men.buy.flowers/index.html

Men should buy women flowers. They are colorful. They smell nice. And without them, flora would never get laid. To many, purchasing flowers is cliché or corny or tacky. And to others, it's an outdated ritual in our modern era of gender equality.

I'd like to address the men reading this (all five of you): buy the broads flowers. Trust me. And now to all the women reading, who outnumber us dudes 100 to 1: allow the dorks in your life to buy you flowers. Trust me.

Flowers are not a romantic punchline, nor are they a symbol of patriarchal dominance. Buying daisies or lilies or chrysanthemums for the woman you love is one of those things a man just regularly does. This is a lesson my old man taught me.

Maybe it hearkens back to a time when men were gorillas in gray suits and women were trophies soaking their hands in bowls of Palmolive liquid soap -- a time when flowers were employed to mend broken promises, to make up for forgotten dinner dates, or to apologize for lipstick-stained shirt collars.

Those days are in the past, of course. Flowers do not resolve conflicts, nor do they anesthetize. Now that I think about it, they never did. But my dad had a different reasoning for surprise roses. He was always buying my mom flowers, chocolates, and trinkets. Her absentminded whispers while leafing through a catalog would be heard and little surprise gifts would appear at the doorstep.

Most of what I know about women I learned from how my dad treated my mother. I'd be a better man if I followed his example more fastidiously, but I haven't, and that's partially why I've spent so many years driving relationships off of cliffs. But some lessons stick out.

Theirs was a love affair that lasted four decades. He would sing to her in public, and she'd blush and beg for him to stop. They never seemed to tire of each others' gentle words. And 45 minutes after he died, on my mother's birthday, FedEx walked into the ICU with her present -- a fancy brand-name bag that escapes me, but that I'm pretty sure is sold in piles on the streets of New York.

While my mother was in a street fight with doctors (and a dependably cruel universe) for every dwindling minute of my dad's life, he had been sitting up in his hospital bed, buying her something he knew she'd love. This was days before the awful plunge. The Frisky: Why you should not cohabitate before marriage

My dad knew that buying a gift for that person who'll laugh at your terrible jokes, kiss you with lips and breath, and hold your hand as a needle searches for your vein is just a way of saying "I'm thinking about you when you're not here."

And that's what flowers are, just a simple, easy way of letting someone know they were in your thoughts. That's it. It's not complicated. Flowers announce: out of sight, still in my mind and heart. It is unerringly human to want to know that someone is thinking about you when you are not around.

I think women, especially, worry that all men have short attention spans and for the most part -- Oh hey! When did I buy this can of beans? -- it's not an unfounded anxiety. I know I've forgotten things like birthdays (spring?), anniversaries (Tuesday?) and eye color (mostly white?).

But if a man is in love, he carries that love under his skin like a nerve. Such is the magnificence of man, however, that we're solidly confidant that your every third thought is about us. Right? Right? Oh, sarcasm! Women are the more conscientious gender; men are the more eat-with-our-fingers gender. I think that is fair. The Frisky: Where all the good guys are

I recently bought flowers for a lady I'm a' courting. We were set to meet at the soda jerk for a malt before skipping over for a double-feature monster movie at the picture palace. I had been thinking of her all day, anticipating the date. She's out of my league and that's how it should be. It's never too late to relearn passed-down life lessons. I was nervous, and couldn't shake her freaking beautiful face out from behind my eyelids.

So I did what my dad would have done. What a man does. I stormed into a florist's shop, picked out a bunch of suitably fragrant flowers, paid for them, and marched right back outside. A man with a bouquet of flowers is a real man.

I carried them the way you'd carry a rifle at a firing range with the barrel pointed down. I received multiple dude nods from men I walked past. They were acknowledging that I was on my way to woo a woman, which is our primary programming. I even received an approving nod from a pair of lesbians who also knew I was doing my duty.

I mean, it was just a date. And the vegetation cost me all of ten bucks. The plants would be dead within a week anyway. But at least she would know that for that day, her name barely escaped my lips. The Frisky: Is chivalry sexist?

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

After you fill out the test... click on these links to see what the results mean:

http://www.personalitypage.com/portraits.html

http://www.personalitypage.com/relationships.html

My results were the following:


Extroverted Intuitive Thinking Judging

http://www.personalitypage.com/ENTJ.html

As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.

ENTJs are very career-focused, and fit into the corporate world quite naturally. They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around - especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership. They're tireless in their efforts on the job, and driven to visualize where an organization is headed. For these reasons, they are natural corporate leaders.

There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people's feelings, and more than likely don't believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people's feelings. ENTJs, like many types, have difficulty seeing things from outside their own perspective. Unlike other types, ENTJs naturally have little patience with people who do not see things the same way as the ENTJ. The ENTJ needs to consciously work on recognizing the value of other people's opinions, as well as the value of being sensitive towards people's feelings. In the absence of this awareness, the ENTJ will be a forceful, intimidating and overbearing individual. This may be a real problem for the ENTJ, who may be deprived of important information and collaboration from others. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.

The ENTJ has a tremendous amount of personal power and presence which will work for them as a force towards achieving their goals. However, this personal power is also an agent of alienation and self-aggrandizement, which the ENTJ would do well to avoid.

ENTJs are very forceful, decisive individuals. They make decisions quickly, and are quick to verbalize their opinions and decisions to the rest of the world. The ENTJ who has not developed their Intuition will make decisions too hastily, without understanding all of the issues and possible solutions. On the other hand, an ENTJ who has not developed their Thinking side will have difficulty applying logic to their insights, and will often make poor decisions. In that case, they may have brilliant ideas and insight into situations, but they may have little skill at determining how to act upon their understanding, or their actions may be inconsistent. An ENTJ who has developed in a generally less than ideal way may become dictatorial and abrasive - intrusively giving orders and direction without a sound reason for doing so, and without consideration for the people involved.

Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people's feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems - sometimes rather serious problems.

ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they're energized and stimulated primarily externally. There's nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren't too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.

ENTJs want their home to be beautiful, well-furnished, and efficiently run. They're likely to place much emphasis on their children being well-educated and structured, to desire a congenial and devoted relationship with their spouse. At home, the ENTJ needs to be in charge as much as he or she does in their career. The ENTJ is likely best paired with someone who has a strong self-image, who is also a Thinking type. Because the ENTJ is primarily focused on their careers, some ENTJs have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally.

The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don't forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ENTJ_rel.html

ENTJ Relationships

ENTJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. Since their major quest in life is to constantly take in knowledge and turn that into something useful, the ENTJ will try to turn everything into a learning experience. Within the context of relationships, that means they will constantly seek knowledge and revise the rules and definitions of their relationships. They value their relationships highly, especially those relationships which present them with new challenges and stimulate their learning. Such exchanges promote genuine affection and satisfaction for the ENTJ. Relationships which do not offer any chances for growth or learning hold no interest to the ENTJ. As in other areas of life, the ENTJ likes to be in charge of their relationships. In conversation, they are very direct and confrontational, and can be highly critical and challenging towards others. People involved in close relationships with the ENTJ need to have a good amount of personal strength. For those who do, the ENTJ has a tremendous amount to offer.

• Genuinely interested in people's ideas and thoughts
• Enthusiastic and energetic
• Take their commitments very seriously
• Fair-minded and interested in doing the Right Thing
• Very good with money
• Extremely direct and straightforward
• Verbally fluent
• Enhance and encourage knowledge and self-growth in all aspects of life
• Able to leave relationships without looking back
• Able to turn conflict situations into positive lessons
• Able to take constructive criticism well
• Extremely high standards and expectations (both a strength and a weakness)
• Usually have strong affections and sentimental streaks
• Able to dole out discipline

• Their enthusiasm for verbal debates can make them appear argumentative
• Tendency to be challenging and confrontational
• Tend to get involved in "win-lose" conversations
• Tendency to have difficulty listening to others
• Tendency to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
• Extremely high standards and expectations (both a strength and a weakness)
• Not naturally in tune with people's feelings and reactions
• May have difficulty expressing love and affection, sometimes seeming awkward or inappropriate
• Can be overpowering and intimidating to others
• Tendency to want to always be in charge, rather than sharing responsibilities
• Can be very harsh and intolerant about messiness or inefficiency
• Tendency to be controlling
• May be slow to give praise or to realize another's need for praise
• If unhappy or underdeveloped, they may be very impersonal, dictatorial, or abrasive
• Tendency to make hasty decisions
• Make explode with terrible tempers when under extreme stress

ENTJs make aggressive, enthusiastic partners who take their commitments very seriously. As in other aspects of their life, they want to be the leader in the relationship, and take on responsibility for making things work. The are creative leaders, and are likely to have relationships which promote constant growth and learning. Since they are constantly scanning the environment for new ideas and things worth learning, the ENTJ may frequently re-define the "rules" of the relationship, although their commitment remains constant. If it becomes very clear to them that the relationship no longer offers any chance of growth or learning, the ENTJ will leave the situation, and not look back.

ENTJs are usually very successful in their careers, and usually very good with money. This is helpful in that it may remove a lot of the conflict which couples generate over money matters, but it may become a problem if the ENTJ is too much of a workaholic to spend time on the growth and development of the relationship.

The ENTJ is not naturally in-tune with the feelings and emotions of their partners. ENTJs who allow themselves time to be alone, and develop the introspective "feeling" side of their natures, will be generally "softer" individuals, who are more aware of their partners' emotional needs. However, this awareness is almost always a conscious attempt on the part of the ENTJ, rather than a naturally occuring characteristic. ENTJs who do not make the attempt to be aware of others, and to value their feelings and opinions, may find themselves in unbalanced relationships, where real communication does not take place. These kinds of situations present a two-edged sword to the ENTJ. They want to be in charge, but if they become so much in charge as to stifle their partners, they will eventually become bored with the relationship.

Sexually, the ENTJ is robust, imaginative and enthusiastic. Their natural instinct to lead will be apparent in this arena as well as other areas of life, and they will lead their partner on creative lovemaking adventures, where the focus is on mutual learning and affection sharing. They're likely to expect lovely on a relatively scheduled basis.

The ENTJ does not usually have a problem with self-confidence and is not especially emotionally needy. Although they enjoy being told that they are loved and appreciated, they don't need to hear these types of avowals as often as most other types. If they are partnered with a Feeling type, they are probably not likely to fulfill their partner's needs for intimate words without conscious effort. Even with effort, the ENTJ may have problems being aware of other's emotional needs, and they most likely won't understand those needs even if they are aware of them.

ENTJs approach conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning. This is a very healthy outlook in general, but may be a problem in a close relationship with a Feeling type. Individuals with the Feeling preference generally detest conflict and criticism, and avoid it as one would avoid a deadly snake. The ENTJs tendency to be confrontational may be very threatening to a person with a Feeling preference - especially so if they are an intimate partner of the ENTJ. An ENTJ who has a well-developed Feeling side may work well with a partner with a Feeling preference. Otherwise, ENTJs will probably have the most successful intimate relationships with types which prefer the Thinking process naturally, or who are not extremely strong on the Feeling preference.

In general, the ENTJ has a lot to offer to their intimate relationships. They're dedicated and enthusiastic, and willing to put forth a lot of effort to make things work out. They take on responsibility and accountability, and expect to be in charge. Their relationship will be one based on mutual respect, constant growth and development.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENTJ's natural partner is the INTP, or the ISTP. AN ENTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best-matched with a personality type that is dominanted by Introverted Thinking. The ENTJ/INTP match is ideal, because it also shares the common Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENTJ/ISTP match is also very good. How did we arrive at this?

ENTJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of passing on their values and goals to their children as an objective fact - it is something which will be done. They consider it their responsibility to make sure that their child is constantly developing and learning in the most optimal way. The ENTJ parent is usually rather strict, and has very high expectations of their children.

As a parent, the ENTJ continuously promotes learning and independent thinking. They pass on their love of knowledge to their children, and challenge them at every turn to thoroughly understand their positions and perspectives. They expect that their children will follow their lead. The ENTJ is in charge - there can be no doubt about that. They expect their children to honor their parents, and to follow the rules and procedures which are set forth for the household. There is little room for error in those expectations, and the ENTJ will be a harsh parental authoritarian when the rules are broken. The children of an ENTJ usually know their place, and have a lot of respect for their ENTJ parent.

During the teen years, we are likely to see a child rebel from their relationship with the ENTJ. Although this situation is common with almost all of the types, it is especially true for parents who are Extraverted Judging types. Children growing into adults do not want to be controlled, and adults who are used to controlling their children have a difficult time letting go. The ENTJ parent would be wise to "loosen up" their hold a bit, as long as they can do so without compromising what they feel to be right.

ENTJs who have not given themselves introspective time to develop the feeling side of their nature frequently develop harsh, aggressive tendancies. Such an ENTJ parent is prone to be something of a dictator - giving out orders arbitrarily, and expecting them to be followed to a "T" without any "back-talk". If continued over a long span of time, this kind of behavior creates an oppressive environment for the child. An ENTJ can address such tendancies by making time for introspection, and remembering to consciously be aware of people's feelings.

ENTJs who have managed to avoid many of the problems associated with their type are wonderful parental figures. They are remembered fondly and valued by their children for challenging them at every turn, and thus promoting growth and development. This type of knowledge seeking usually becomes a life-long habit for their children, who turn into responsible and independent adults.

ENTJs are bright, energetic, sociable individuals who are keenly interested in other people's ideas, theories and perspectives. They love nothing better than to participate in quality conversation with other people who share similar views to their own, or who have something new to teach the ENTJ. They make stimulating, interesting, and dynamic friends and peers.

The ENTJ thoroughly enjoys lively, intellectual conversations - welcoming such interaction as a learning opportunity for all parties involved. They have a tendency to be direct and challenging when interacting with others, which tends to put people on the defensive. This is in fact exactly what they're after - the ENTJ wants to learn what you know, and understand as many of the nuances of your knowledge as the context of the conversation will allow. They go after this knowledge in a very direct, confrontational manner. With this approach, they will learn not only the facts of the knowledge, but also the background of the individual's stance on that piece of knowledge. How well does the individual understand the topic? How invested is the individual in their stance? This method of "unsettling" people has the effect of livening up conversations and stimulating learning, when the other conversationalists are able to easily withstand the interrogations of the ENTJ. People who are uncomfortable with being challenged, or who are less than confident in the topic being discussed, are likely to be subdued into not expressing themselves with the ENTJ. This is a bit of a shame, since many people have valuable things to offer, but are not always willing to stand on top of a mountain and strongly shout their views to the world.

The ENTJ is likely to seek the company of people who have similar views and interests to their own. They have no patience with people who have very different lifestyles and perspectives from their own. However, as individuals with a great deal of personal power, ENTJs are highly attracted to interacting with other individuals with a powerful presence. They admire such people, although they may not agree with them. ENTJs are likely to form their closer friendships with other iNtuitives - especially Extraverted iNtuitives, such as ENTJs, ENTPs, ENFJs, and ENFPs. The ENTJ will enjoy the other iNtuitives' stimulating company, who share their enthusiasm for ideas and learning.

I'll get the ball rolling...

At this exact moment I am listening to:

"Artist - Song title"

The Veer Union - Into Your Garden