Emotional Toilet.

Have you ever had one of those days you know something is going to happen that is going to hurt like hell but you still keep plodding along in hopes it mever comes?  Well that day was today.  I woke up way to early this morning for no reason at all.  With being up so early I thought he what hte hell I will just sit back and relax.  3 hours later I woke up not realizing I had fallen asleep. lol  a good rest but had this feeling something was going to happen.  I went for yet another post operation check up and found my eyes are doing great and I will be able to see much better than ever expected.  Yet the nagging feeling was there and would not leave.  It got to the pointI could not cast off the shil from the wind.  I kept asking myself whatthe hell is going on?  Why am i feeling like this? 

I logged on to my computer to check my e-maisl and see who was on my messenger. Waiting to see if anyone would say Hi, well there was no hi from anyone on my messenger.  I was kind of miffed by this but went oh well.  logged into chat and had a good time chatting with everyone.  Then it hit.  Have you ever had a friend where things have gone to far and she or he gets scared and says um mm well can we just be friends?  Wel with the emotional invest I had made to her I had to say yes.  I do nto want to lose her as a friend at all but my heart does ache deeply from this.    I know it will heal but gawd it hurt.  I forgive her of this pain because it is mostly my fault and no onw is to blame for this.  I forgive myself because I have learned that yes I can open my heart again.  I just hope in time things  will clear up and everything goes well for her.

To whom it may Concern.

I am not writing this to as a favor nor as a muse for others.  I am writing this to cast off the shell which has encapsulated me.  Pain itself is all I have known.  With each step into any relationship there is the fear of yet again I shall be let go.  I am a humble caring man wanting to share his heart with a woman, I can call my dear one.  I have spent years alone and wonder shall this gift of love come to me again.   I pray it does but wonder's deeply with in if it the tie has passed me already?  My soul grows weary from the travels I have taken and the roads I have walked.  My ears grow deaf from all the tales I have heard.  My eyes seemingly do not ant to see the riches and beauty which lies before me.  The only thing that seems to break this curse upon me is the simplest of touches. With every touch comes the pain all over again.  The pain of the fear of losing it all.  I try to walk past the pain and fear yet the grip is stronger than I hve ever felt this time around. With this I depart and await for the words to come to me once again forthe pain and fear have my tounge once again.

Sincerly,

Poetus1

who ever reads this this is just me letting go what is inside of me and wanting to share a part of m gifts with you all.